George Smith: OK folks, just ‘listen’ to me ...
Aug 11, 2013 | 2726 views |  0 comments | 22 22 recommendations | email to a friend | print

“My wife said I never listen. At least I think that’s what she said.”

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That little jewel is posted in my barn just to the right of a 46-inch hi-def TV. The barn is where I spend a lot of time in a recliner watching Colin Cowherd, college football, World War II, the Discovery Channel, and the Atlanta Braves.

I also spend some time with Merle and Willie and books by W.E.B. Griffin.

The blonde put it there on a day I was having breakfast with some buddies at the Citgo station just outside Woodland. And truth is, I don’t have the guts to take it down, not even when she’s hanging out at Dillard’s.

But the main reason I mention ...

“My wife said I never listen. At least I think that’s what she said.”

... are all the notices I get from a local hearing-aid business offering me all sorts of deals in order for me to hear my wife a bit better. At least, I think that’s the reason. I honestly believe that somewhere down the line (when I wasn’t listening) the blonde called the hearing aid people and gave them my name and address.

One reason I believe that is two-fold:

1. She really does claim (quite frequently) that I don’t listen.

2. All the letters claiming to improve my hearing are addressed to me, NEVER to my wife.

One place I hear that I don’t listen is when we’re in the kitchen. She’s at the counter putting together yet another out-of-sight dish, I’m sitting at the table. She is talking, I am grunting. She turns, I am reading the latest edition of Time magazine ...

“George Smith, you NEVER listen to me!”

When your beloved addresses you by first and last name, you’ve got a problem, a big one.

But I digress a wee bit. So, back to the hearing aid company and its concern for  the condition of my hearing. Over the last few months, I’ve called and asked that my name be removed from their mailing list. I tell them that I can hear a pin drop across the street, that I am NOT hard of hearing, regardless of what the blonde claims.

But the mail keeps coming, which, if nothing else, helps a United States Postal Service that is not just going broke, but is already bankrupt. And has been for quite a while.

And while I really do listen (when it suits me, but don’t let the blonde know I said that ... PLEASE), the local hearing aid folks need to know that I can read, if not hear. But when I see their name on the letter, I DON’T read. On my way back to the house from the mailbox I detour by the garbage can.

The sound of the garbage can lid falling on a hearing aid brochure is pleasing to the ear. It is also proof that I really can hear.

But I should be thankful the hearing aid folks are taking a pass on using my email box to hustle my business.

I use an email different from the one you see at the bottom of this column. It’s the one advertisers from coast to coast have in their computers. This week, in just three days, that mail box had a whopping 87 mailings.

Which is another reason the Postal Service is headed for extinction. There was a time, before the Internet, that you didn’t count your junk mail, you weighed it. In the three days I got 87 offers in my email, had had exactly six junk mails via the mailman.

Anyway, I gotta go.

I need a little dose of Tennessee Ernie Ford’s hymnal before heading for church, which proves I really do listen “when it suits me”

But I’ve said that already, haven’t I ...

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George Smith can be reached at 256-239-5286 or email: gsmith731@gmail.com

 

 

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